What Would Have Happened If Piper McLean Was a Monkey?
WARNING: Spoilers for The Lost Hero. As I was wandering my dusty tomes and reading books, I came across a book I read long ago and thought I'd ironically lost. For sooth, the book was then named The Lost Hero. I looked at the book, my mind starting to race, as memories of the events of which happened in it flooded in my head, and I realized something. I started wondering and wondering about it for ages. What Would Have Happened If Piper McLean Was a Monkey? Chapter One Jason Jason wasn't clear what was going on or where he was. He knew that he was on the back of a coach, holding hands with a monkey. The monkey was cute, but he couldn't figure out who she was. He tried to think... The monkey squeezed his hand. "Oo, oo oo?" The monkey was seriously pretty. Her eyes seemed to change colour between brown, green and blue. Jason let go of her hand. "Um, I don't-" "All right, cupcakes, listen up!" shouted the coach. The coach (named Coach Hedge) warned them threateningly of straying away. "Can he talk to us that way?" Jason asked the monkey. "Oo oo. Oo oo oo Oo Oo. 'Oo oo oo oo oo.'". She said it like it was a joke they'd shared before. "This is some kind of mistake," Jason said. "I'm not supposed to be here." The boy in front of them laughed. "Yeah, Jason. We've all been framed! I didn't run away six times. Piper didn't steal a BMW." "Oo oooo oo oo oo, Oo!" "Oh, I forgot, Piper. You 'talked' the dealer into lending it to you." responded the boy in front of them, who was evidentally called Leo. "Anywau I hope you've got your worksheet, 'cause mine was used as spit wads ages ago." "I don't know you," Jason said. "Sure. I'm not your best friend. I'm his evil clone!" It was all coming back to Jason now. He had to save his real friend. "OoO OOOOOO!" Piper screamed, and punched Evil Leo in the nose. Evil Leo screamed, and summoned fire in his hand. "YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU ATTEMPTED TO STOP EVIL LEO!!!" and caused the bus to explode. The bus crash-landed onto the Grand Canyon. Amazingly no one was hurt. "Run!" shouted Coach Hedge. Chapter Two Jason Piper managed to herd the other kids back in before Evil Leo stopped them, magically sealing the doors with his superpowers. Only Evil Leo, Piper, Coach Hedge and Jason remained outside. "Now you DIEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Evil Leo. The coach made an angry sound like an animal bleating. "That's it, cupcake. You're going down." "You think you can protect two half-bloods at once, old man?" Evil Leo laughed. "Good luck." Evil Leo pointed at Coach Hedge, and a funnel cloud materialized around him. Coach Hedge flew off the skywalk like he'd been tossed. Somehow he managed to twist mindair and slammed sideways into the canyon wall. Finally he grabbed a thin ledge about fifty feet below the skywalk and hung there by his fingertips. "Help!" Luckily, Coach had dropped his club and Jason picked it up. Jason threw the club at Evil Leo and hit him in the face. Evil Leo roared in anger. Anyway, a lot of actiony stuff happened and it ended with Evil Leo kidnapping Coach Hedge and flying away. It was very cool, and a lot of blood was spilt. And then, Annabeth Chase arrived on a chariot. "Are you Percy?" she asked Jason. "Um... no." Jason replied. "Darn." Chapter Three Piper It turned out that Annabeth chariot had enough space for two more people. Annabeth resolved to take them to Camp Half-Blood. "Oo-oo?" "Half-Blood. It means we're half god, half mortal." "Oo." A few seconds passed. "OO OO! Oo oo oo oo oo!!!" Annabeth accidentally crashed them into a river. Bugger. Luckily, the three of them survived. They emerged from the river, and realized they were in the aforementioned camp. There were about twenty campers milling around, all wearing orange t-shirts. "Annabeth!" came a camper's voice. "You destroyed the chariot!" "It was an evil chariot! It had it coming!" "There were horses attached to it! WHERE ARE THE HORSES?!?!" The horses were dead. "The horses were also evil!" The camper sighed. "Any sign of Percy?" "No," Annabeth admitted. Another girl stepped forward. She fixed her eyes of Jason, then curled her lip at Piper. "Well," the girl said, "I hope they're worth the trouble." She looked at Piper. "Does you hair always look like a dead badger?" Piper jumped on the girl and began to eat her face. "Piper, stop," Annabeth interrupted. Piper stopped. Piper then started to punch the girl in the face. Annabeth glared at Piper. Piper stopped. Annabeth looked at Jason. "Hold out your arm." Jason had a tattoo on the inside of his right forearm. It had a dozen straight lines like a bar code, with an eagle with the letters SPQR over it. "Where did you get these marks from?" "Dunno." replied Jason. Annabeth turned to everyone else. "He needs to go straight to Chiron. Drew..." The girl, now with her face slightly eaten, said "Sure" and took Jason to Chiron. "Oo Oo? Oo Oo oo oo oo oo oo?" Annabeth hesitated. "Good question, Piper. Come on, I'll give you a tour. We need to talk." Chapter Four Piper Annabeth gave Piper a dagger. That is all. Sequel *''What Would Have Happened If Leo Was an Evil Clone?'' Category:Humor Category:Parody